I honestly believe the most courteous of us are the Awliya (allies of Allah).
‘Abdullah ibn Mas‘ud رضى الله عنه, Ibn ‘Abbas ضى الله عنه and more than one of the salaf (early generations) said, “The awliya of Allah are those who, if you see them, they remind you of Allah.”
Some people are so beautiful in their manners and personality that it feels like there is light emitting from them. They are a true reflection of elegance and refinement, effortlessly navigating social situations, and displaying perfect decorum and respect for others. Their wisdom and perspective rooted in Islamic principles is Allah’s love manifesting through their knowledge and understanding.
On the other hand, ikhlaq (character) generally holds great importance for us, because of its transformative power to shape people, strengthen communities, and foster a deep connection with Allah.
The Prophet ﷺ said,
“The best among you are those who have the best manners and character.” (Sahih Bukhari 6029)
At another place,
“The heaviest thing to be placed in the balance of a believer on the Day of Judgment will be good character.” (Sunan At-Tirmidhi 2004)
There are hundreds of small but attractive habits I have noticed in the most dignified and courteous people I know, who are a light for everyone around them. Here is some of what I have learned from them:
- Don’t give greetings\salam or shake hands while sitting.
- Meet people with enthusiasm and smiles. Have a firm handshake. Maintain a personal fragrance that becomes your signature scent.
- Don’t accompany people who publicly indulge in sins. Don’t sit with people of low morals and excessive gossiping.
- Don’t gossip under any circumstances. Don’t lie or boast. Don’t talk about money or possessions. Don’t talk about yourself too much. Don’t talk immodestly or without softness.
- Don’t joke excessively. Don’t joke about any person (present there or not). Don’t joke just for the sake of it. Don’t joke about yourself.
- Be respectful towards children. Be thoughtful of the aged.
- Present gifts often and don’t receive cash.
- Don’t eat unless others around you are eating as well but, if you must, always offer to share whatever you have.
- Always pay for your food when eating outdoors, and offer to pay for whoever shares your table.
- Never speak in anger. Wait to let the anger pass before you open your mouth. Never insult or raise your voice in disagreements. Don’t be sarcastic.
- Always live up to your words. Fulfill promises. Arrive on time for meetings/appointments. Don’t change your mind once you’ve accepted or admitted to something aloud.
- Immediately admit to mistakes and apologize for them. Present gifts as apologies and show genuine regret.
- Be quick to appreciate people and express gratitude, even if it’s a child or your parents. Don’t exaggerate in your compliments.
- Don’t regret sincerity. Don’t get tired of being kind. Don’t get bored with your loved ones. Don’t be miser with compassion.
- Embrace your humanity in its fullness, hold strong convictions, and exhibit grace in your conduct.
